There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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