omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
two words...techno handjob
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
