i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
