I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
