Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
pray to the hookup gods
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
