at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
