Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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