Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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