Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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