idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
