What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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