Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
