the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
