She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
