the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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