I wanna passion pit in your ass
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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