somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
