i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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