and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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