Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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