saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I think my moral compass just broke
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
