you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Less talking, more tequila
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
