Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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