I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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