Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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