she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
