please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
