Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
