i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
