When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize