you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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