She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
