Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
