fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
