No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
