Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
