Taylor Swift is so right about you.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
