I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
