If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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