I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
