Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
