Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
