Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
