Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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