I hate your face
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
