They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize