After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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