Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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