If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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