So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
