how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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