I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
