i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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