Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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