I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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