i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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