I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
