I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
