DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
