mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
