i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
