I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
