every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The air was thick with penises
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
