he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
