Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
You took a bar mat shot.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
