I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
