So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
