How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
