I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
